excerpts of my life... or something to that effect

i'm posting at: home
i'm listening to: Wolf's Rain OST [gravity - maaya sakamoto currently playing]
i'm feeling: disappointed

damn! i just got home from playing billiards with a friend of mine, and he wiped my ass all over the table. beat me twice [7-11 & 3-7] before i called it quits and save myself from further shame. i hate losing... darnit!

what else am i disappointed of? let's see... i'm disappointed at myself because i really am not doing the things i'm supposed to do at work. i just time in, do non-work related stuff most of the time, [browse/surf the 'net, chat with friends and officemates] procrastinate, complain, blah², yadda², wait for the bundy clock to buzz at 6 pm, then time out. jeez! something's definitely wrong with me....

i'm disappointed at myself because i've always made excuses for not getting the right thing done; blamed others for the misfortunes that happened to me; taken the love, care and support of family and close friends for granted; allowed myself to rot away [physically, emotionally, & spiritually] and wallow in misery and despair... i may be happy and "animated" on the outside... but deep inside, i'm really hurting and feeling alone... unwanted... unloved...

i know something must be done; that it's not too late for me to change the direction that my life is going, but i'm a really clueless git! i can't seem to figure out what it is... or maybe i do know what to do, it's just that my naïve self is denying it; clouding my mind and heart, making rationality and sensible judgement difficult to achieve.

mind you that i'm always not like this. *whew* [thank goodness!] i guess it's just one of those days...

i'm posting at: home
i'm listening to: Piano OST
i'm feeling: ... [i don't exactly know myself]

been a while since i blogged... i was about to blog a few days ago at the office, but when i logged in, it gave me a message that my blog was being upgraded. oh well... seems to be working now. *shrugs*

just had a refreshing bath after having a late dinner. been really hot these past few days huh? some "rainy season" this turned out to be... as always my fan is pointed straight at me everytime i'm in my room. i can only dream of having an aircon installed, as the electricity bill will hound me to no end... *sighs*

i didn't do much today, just gave myself a mini-movie marathon of sorts this afternoon. the first two films i watched were re-runs [matrix on vcd, ever after on a movie cable channel] and the last one was a "first viewing".[undisputed, on star movies]

i went out a few times since i last blogged, most of them with my officemates, and the most recent one, with friends. i skived off a few appointments though because i was having the sniffles, and i was sneezing like crazy... wouldn't want them to see my red nose and dripping snot all over. *yuck*

i've also finished re-reading Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban. i'm really looking forward to the movie version, w/c i think will be out sometime next year. [i sure hope so!] i'm more of a fan of the books rather than the movie versions, but it still is a good thing to see the visions of the author come to life on the screen as seen by the moviemakers. i'll be starting to re-read Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire, maybe after i finish blogging... oh, and if most of you haven't read book 5 yet, there's already a zipped rtf file of the UK edition of the book circulating thru e-mail... i've seen it myself, it's the real thing. someone must've had loads of time on their hands to type it all up. there are a few typos though, but you can easily know what the misspelled word is...

i've nothing much to say at this point, so i guess i'll end it here... for the moment.

i'm posting at: home
i'm listening to: the ominous sound of silence [except for the humming of my electric fan, and "noisy" keyboard...]
i'm feeling: satisfied

in just two days, i have finished reading Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix, and i must say, i'm impressed! 270,000 plus words, 870 pages, & 38 chapters of exciting magic, mind-boggling mysteries, enchanting duels, a myriad of beasts & monsters, and loads more will definitely keep any "potter-head" from putting down this book.

there are many things explained & questions finally answered in this latest installment by J.K. Rowling that has puzzled quite a few readers from the past four books, and i think she cleared everything up, but not failing to give out more mysteries and a new set of questions which will make millions of fans ask: "when is book 6 coming out!?!" *sigh* if this book was any indication, i daresay it'll take at least 2 or so years before the next one comes... oh well, something to look forward to!

most of my friends have been itching to borrow my copy after i read it, so whaddaya guys/gals think: 50 pesosesoses/day should do the trick?

i'm posting at: the office
i'm listening to: an assortment of sounds [radio playing, my officemates' voices, etc.]
i'm feeling: frivolous



i spent the whole day yesterday away from the office, and it felt GOOD! i was asked to assist at this event which was held at Robinson's Place in Ermita, so i just went straight to the venue. my immediate boss actually suggested that i help out with that event, so i had his blessings to be there the whole day. i think that was the first time i've spent the whole day inside the mall, although i never got to walk around much and see the stores/shops. i didn't want to see stuff i wanted to buy, but couldn't 'coz i don't have the money to spend on shopping, and in turn be pissed off...

my random musing/s of the moment: not to be labeled as an insensitive jerk, but at what point in time did nature dictated that we should care about what other people think/say? sure, it can help us sometimes to better ourselves, but when you think about it, isn't that taking away your individuality and free will? why must we mold ourselves into what other people want us to be? if that's the case, then we're just as good as machines...

i'm posting at: the office
i'm listening to: the clickity-clack sounds of my keyboard as i type away
i'm feeling: unusually calm

i'm really lazy since monday came along. i dunno... it must've been because of that so-called "long" weekend. although i did get to do most of the stuff i intended to do, i felt that i could've done more...

now that i think about it, i have been "lazy" almost my entire life. i mean i've been doing this and that because there was a reason, and because i had to do them. i can vaguely remember doing things out of my own volition... [quick thought: are you doing something of you're doing nothing?] *shrugs* i guess that's just how i am...

my mind's still filled with garbled thoughts...

i want sooo many things to happen, but am i doing anything to make them happen?

am i not sick of doing the same thing over & over & over & over & over again for the past X years?

what the hell am i supposed to do with my life right now???

[someone sent this piece of info thru e-mail. very interesting...]

Birth order is one way to gain an understanding of our children, friends, family members and ourselves. Discover how personality is influenced by your position in the family. Whether you're the firstborn in the family, middle or only child, find out what your (and your children's) predispositions are from Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book.

MIDDLE-BORNS

They're often the free spirits of the family. Because their place in the pecking order is not as well-defined as other siblings', they create their own lifestyle to a large degree. They can be sociable, friendly, and outgoing - or loners who are quiet and shy. And while middle children may appear to take an easygoing approach to life, they can also be quite stubborn and very hard to deal with once they feel unappreciated.

Positives: The classic middle-born is very relationship-oriented, tends to be a people-pleaser and usually hates confrontation. Their basic need is to keep life smooth and their motto might be "peace at any price." They are usually very calm, amiable, will roll with the punches, are down-to-earth and great listeners. They are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and eager to make everybody happy. This makes them good mediators and negotiators.

Negatives: Middles may feel squeezed out of a position of privilege and significance. They tend to be less driven than firstborns, but are much more eager to be liked. They have a difficult time setting boundaries, and may work too hard at a career to prove themselves. They tend to try to please everybody. They can also be manipulative, since they did not have Mom and Dad all to themselves. They are not good at making decisions that will offend others. They also tend to blame themselves when others fail. The middle-born will tend to surround himself or herself with a "family" of friends, where he or she can feel special - even if sometimes you'll find middlers hanging with the wrong crowd. But weep not for this social butterfly. The ability to create new relationships, coupled with his or her talent for mediation, works rather harmoniously - in fact, middle-born children often end up being the most well-adjusted adults of any birth order.

Parenting tip: Middle-born children can have a tendency to feel as though they have little say or control within their family. They have parents and at least one older sibling telling them what to do, while the baby of the family seems like he's getting away with murder. This can cause much frustration in the middle child. The best way to diffuse these feelings is to always ask middle children for their opinion, and let them make decisions whenever possible. Respect their opinion and choices. This is good advice for parents of children of any birth order, but is extra important for parents of sensitive middle children to keep in mind.

here's the summed-up version: [courtesy of j3n9, a middle-born, like meeh!]

Strengths
-Skilled mediators and negotiators
-Great listeners
-Team players

Weaknesses
-Difficulty in setting boundaries
-Secretive and keep feelings inside
-Hate confrontation
-Chronic people-pleasers

this is for all you friggin' F4 fanboiz/gurlz...



Diz F4 0wNz j0o!!!!

posting at: the office
listening to: my mp3s [being so not for you (i had no right) - p.m. dawn currently playing]
i'm feeling: tired but relieved

*whew* i've done with my work for today, plus the work i'm supposed to do for tomorrow, since the holiday was moved from today to tomorrow. actually, i still have some minor stuff to do, but i can do those on saturday, so i'll just relax for now and blog.

/start rant

the peeps here in the office can be oh so annoying at times, especially whenever our internet connection goes offline. most of them would go to me and ask inane questions and other stuff, like i'm supposed to know everything about it... here's a sample exchange:

ofcm8: "lem, down ang internet natin?"

me: "yea, since monday pa..."

o: "so hindi ako pede mag-browse?"

m: "yap! you and everyone else."

o: "ahh... oki..."

after a few minutes...

o: "lem, bakit hindi ako makapag-send ng e-mail? error daw..."

m: diba down nga ang internet connection natin!?!

o: *kamot sa ulo* ai, onga pala no... ehehehehe... *sabay alis*

grrr... here's one that took the cake:

ofcm8: "lem! down ang connection natin?"

me: "oo, nung monday pa nagloloko..."

ofcm8: "ket inde mo inaayos?!"

me: *dumbfounded & discombobulated* [while saying to myself: "uhhh... taga-ISP ba ako para malaman ko kung ano ang diperensya ng connection natin!?!]

/end rant

...for now baka masira pa ang araw ko kapag inisip ko ang mga katangahan nila... heheeh!

jeng wanted the lyrics to this song... dunno why though. i'll just post it here anywayz...

hi
true faith

the park is empty, my beer's already warm,
and the shoppers have all gone home.
drunken & weary, i almost thought i forgot,
about that someone who hit that spot.

*
love was a thing, you wanted to know,
and so with one wish, i did give a show.
now that you're back, with a half-baked smile,
just skip the bull. let's talk for a while.

**
hello!
how have you been?
who've you been seeing these past few weekends?
i know it's not me. i know that it's you,
i'd love to be with...

when you want to be free,
it's so funny how you should hurt someone
and that someone was me.
i'm just a man, not much with plans,
but i do believe in what i stand.

[repeat *]
[repeat ** 2x]

hello... oooh... oooh... 2x

love will tear us apart again...
& again & again...

hello!
don't say goodbye... 2x
just say hello... 2x
don't say goodbye... 2x
just say hello... 2x

[repeat ** 2x]

my officemate brought this particular stuffed toy of a mascot from a popular foodchain. when she showed it to me, it triggered some still-unanswered-questions, whose answers had eluded me for all of my 25 years on this earth... hope someone can answer this:

who and what the fuck is GRIMACE supposed to be!?! huh!?!

posting at: the office
listening to: the radio [because of you - keith martin currently playing]
i'm feeling: alright

i was supposed to blog last night, but for some unknown reason, i couldn't log-in... weird... anyway, now that our 'net connection is up again, [been down the whole morning] i can finally blog! mweheheeheh!

a lil' recap on how my weekend went:

friday evening after work, my friend and i played billiards. he won the last time we played at megamall, so i guess it was my turn to win... and i did! i won the first set [11-7] and also the 2nd set. [11-9] the last rack of the 2nd set capped it off for me. he already told me that the 9-ball would go in on my break... but i was having doubts, since all throughout the games we played, it's either i scratched the ball after the break, or none of the balls would go in the pockets. but i was on a roll that time, so what the heck! i did my break as hard as i could, and what do you know? the 9-ball did go on the corner pocket! that was an awesome game of billiards, also because my friend kept on giving me free gift shots for the 9-ball... he just can't seem to get it to go down... hmmm...

saturday, i came home immediately after work, coz i had to arrange/finish some cd's for my trade tomorrow. after that, i watched the movie "One Hour Photo" on pDVD. Robin Williams is one heck of an actor huh? he never fails to amaze me whenever i see his films... in this particular movie, his character's obsession initially freaked me out, and when he acted on it, i feared the worse for him... but later on i felt that he was the victim there, and i really sorry for him. it was my younger bro's birthday as well, so everyone in the family was there. [kuya, his wife & my bro's gf] we all heard mass and had a simple dinner. i was the only partner-less one in the bunch... [dad had mom, kuya had ate, & bro had his gf]

sunday, i woke up early 'coz of the alarm, so i didn't get up and just lounged in bed til 9:30am. i was supposed to leave at 15 minutes past 10am, enough time for me to have breakfast, check my stuff, and do the usual things i do before i go. i arrived in makati a few minutes before 11am, and kaoru-neechan was already there! such an early bird, that girl. we talked about stuff and waited for the one/s that i was supposed to trade with... after that, we had lunch, and i headed for home.

after waiting for a week for the replacement cd, i was finally able to finish Ai Yori Aoshi! yay!!! *sigh* where can i find my own Sakuraba Aoi-chan?!?

[something weird is going on with blogger... i've posted this twice already, but it's not viewing! hmmm....]

another noisy short song from my fave group linkin park. i transcribed the lyrics by ear 'coz the lyric sites i've visited have misheard/wrong words. i've yet to get the album, so these might be wrong as well...

faint
linkin park
[meteora]

i am
a little bit of loneliness
a little bit of disregard
handful of complaints
but i can't help the fact
that everyone can see these scars

i am
what i want you to want
what i want you to feel
but it's like no matter what i do
i can't convince you
to just believe this is real

so i let go
watching you turn your back
like you always do
face away and pretend that i'm not
but i'll be here
'coz you're all that i got

i can't faint
the way i did before
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored
time won't take
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored

i am
a little bit insecure
a little unconfident
'coz you don't understand
i do what i can
but sometimes i don't make sense

i am
what you never want to say
but i've never had the doubt
it's like no matter what i do
i can't convince you
for once just to hear me out

so i let go
watching you turn your back
like you always do
face away and pretend that i'm not
but i'll be here
'coz you're all that i got
[got.. got... got... got...]

i can't faint
the way i did before
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored
time won't take
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored

roooaaaaarrr!!!
hear me out now
you're gonna listen to me
like it or not
right now
hear me out now
you're gonna listen to me
like it or not
right now

i can't faint
the way i did before
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored...

i can't faint
the way i did before
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored
time won't take
this damage anymore
don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored

i can't faint...

don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored

time won't take...

don't turn your back on me
i won't be ignored

posting at: the office
listening to: the sound of silence
i'm feeling: woozy

it finally caught up with me... & i had no idea it was coming that day. i was kinda expecting it though, and i had hunches as to why it happened. remember that post wherein i said that i was almost out all night the whole week? i think you know what comes next... no? then read on.

tuesday morning. i got out of bed earlier than usual, so i went on about my business and got ready to go to work. i was still feeling okay during that time, but when i got on the bus, i suddenly felt a bit dizzy. i initially thought it was because i skipped breakfast, [w/c i usually do] so when i arrived here in the office, i bought something to eat. but the dizziness didn't go away, instead it got worse. i asked for a few medicines from my officemate, [i was having headaches as well] but of course it wouldn't take effect til a few minutes later. i thought i was gonna pass out 'coz of the headaches and dizzy spells, good thing i managed to stay awake during that time... after lunch time, i decided that i would take the rest of the day off. the peeps here were worried if i could make it home coz i was still feeling a bit dizzy, but i told them that i was okay and i could travel on my own. i eventually got home safe & sound, told my parents what happened and asked them if they knew any neighbors who can take my blood pressure, 'coz my suspicion was that my blood pressure was low. they found one a few blocks from our house, and she confirmed my suspicions. [the sphygmomanometer read 90/80! OMG! ] the culprit? overfatigue and lack of proper sleep due to all those night-outs... tsk² now i'm taking vitamin & iron supplements and i took the day off yesterday as well so i could rest. hope y'all learn the lesson here... and go get some sleep Shabby!!! lest you wanna end up like meeh...

i would've taken the day off as well, but work is piling up on me, and i don't wanna come here with a bunch of things to do and little time to do it. *sigh* life goes on as they say...

posting at: home
listening to: the radio [tuned in to Wave 89.1]
i'm feeling: bummed out

being stuck in a friggin' traffic jam is definitely no fun at all... the consolation i get from it is that it gave me a few quiet moments to think about what i can blog about for tonight.

we had our first production meeting for the month, and certain things were brought up concerning the performance of the dj's & newsies. i had been tasked to pinpoint those personalities that have been delinquent when it comes to filling up the survey sheets. i inadvertently included a certain morning tandem and they were clearly pissed at me right after i announced their names, reasoning out that they had religiously done their part and qualmed that there were those that had been more delinquent than they were and i hadn't mentioned them. [whoa! a run-on sentence! ] i admitted after the meeting that it was wrong of me to include the certain duo, but they had skipped a day or two, so i guess i wasn't entirely wrong when i mentioned their names... they just didn't want to get in trouble with our boss, that's why they wanted to clear it up with me. [i'm an asshole, so sue me! ]

the meeting started late in the afternoon, but at least it didn't drag on for hours on end. got to leave the office past 7pm, hitched a ride with Jo² who was going to Cash & Carry to get his stuff. [but wasn't able to since it was already closed when he got there. sorry man...] i got home almost quarter to 10pm 'coz the bus had to queue for passengers at the ayala area, and took about 40 mins to get past bicutan onramp... oh, the agony of waiting for the bus to moooove...

and when i get home, who welcomes me? the dog... at least someone's eager to see me... no one else to say: "welcome home!" "how was your day?" blah²

i just can't figure out what's going on with this online friend of mine... i guess you can say i'm having girl problems. most of the time when i talk to her, either i piss her off with my stupid mouth, or she's not in the mood to talk to me... as if she only talks to me whenever i initiate the conversation. but i don't feel at ease when i don't get to talk to her... so what am i to do?

all these sad love songs playing on the radio is making me mushy... urk! somebody shoot me now!!!

why won't anyone comment about my posts!?! it's either: you peeps are so astounded with them that you barely can get a word out of your mouths right after reading them, or you just don't give a flying fuck about what i blab about... tsk²

posting at: the office
listening to: the radio [fighter - christina aguilera currently playing]
i'm feeling: discombobulated

that's a BIG word, ain't it? heheheh.. picked it up from a radio commercial of a certain ISP. but my friend 'sez i might've encountered that word already from the comics that we used to collect in the past... back when we had the money to sustain such luxuries!

enough of that... now why did i say that i was discombobulated? i really dunno why exactly... i guess that's just how i generally feel at the moment.

ahhh... june... summer's over, and the rainy season starts... school's open again, so my travel time to and from work will be doubled. [w/c doesn't really make that much of a difference, i still come late for work most of the time!] traffic's already worse as it is... and now this!

thought of the moment:

wish i can do this to someone i really hate... --> nyahahahah!!!

posting at: home
listening to: Cowboy Bepop OST Limited Edition [funky & jazzy! me like! :D]
i'm feeling: good

ho-hum... the rain just keeps on pouring as i type away... i was roused from a deep slumber a few hours ago, 'coz my dad had to ask me something... so i figured i might as well wake up already and have lunch. hehehehe!

i finally caught "Bruce Almighty" last friday night/saturday morning. why two days? here's the reason: my officemates and i went to the Ayala Center after office hours. [but i had to stay an extra hour 'coz one of them wouldn't be out 'til 7pm] we all knew that there was a sale going on there, but we never imagined that the cinemas would be full to the brim as well. another mistake we made was that we didn't buy our tickets after we got there, so after we had dinner, [w/c was about some 10 minutes past 9pm] we proceeded to Greenbelt 3 Cinemas, 'coz the sister of one of our officemates told us that all the G4 [that's Glorietta 4, for those of you who don't know] screenings are already packed. here we are hoping to catch the 9:50 pm screening, but as we got to the counter, the girl told us that the tickets they were selling are for the 11:20 screening already. left with no other choice, we bought the tickets. those tickets come with free 2 games at the nearby Timezone, so we just hung around there 'til the movie starts. [w/c is 2+ hours more] we already finished our 6 games, [3 tickets x 2 free games] we still had more or less an hour to wait. so i loaded my card and my 2 friends also bought cards and proceeded to play some more. we lingered on the basketball section the most. i was sorely beaten by my two friends 'coz i suck at shooting hoops, [no practice! ^^;] but i let them eat my dust at daytona 2 racing! [yea baby!!!] i also played Dancemaniax 2. [man! my arms were swinging like crazy! but i did get to score well...] after all that arcade action, we rested for about 20 mins, and then proceeded to the movie house. that movie was b-e-a-uutiful and it's really good... GOOD! heheheh! being the Almighty is not as easy as it looks... so i hope no one out there wishes that he/she can do a better job than Him. the movie finished @ 1am, hence the reason i stated above. Ü

i came to work saturday morning an hour late because of that. no biggie... not much work to do on a saturday. after lunch, me and ferds went to greenhills to check out the new titles of pirated DVDs that came out. i was mildly surprised to see that the Animatrix was already on sale there, and as expected, we bought it. i already saw [and will have soon] the DVDripped version for PC that i'll use for animé trading purposes. the quality of the disc is really good... got to watch half of it last night, and the dvd extras are intact as well. i was hoping to score some animé DVDs, but all i saw were the ones that i already have. i did see a Samurai X movie, but it was the one done by ADV, so it's only english dubbed, so i didn't buy it.

nothing much to say at this point, so i might as well finish the last half of the Animatrix. Ü